Jimmy Fallon

My dad used to work at IBM, so we used to get discounts on computers and stuff, and I did have a ThinkPad.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.

I think once every person on the planet sees 'New Moon' and there's nobody left who hasn't see it, then I think they'll be able to go see 'Ninja.'

When we opened our eyes, we saw bedrock exposed in the walls of the crater.

Whether stuck in traffic because of construction or fixing a flat tire after hitting a pothole, Michiganders feel frustrated with the quality of our roads.