Jimmy Fallon

My dad used to work at IBM, so we used to get discounts on computers and stuff, and I did have a ThinkPad.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen.

I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.

If every time you engage in a sex act, you go into a confession box, you will never accept your own sexuality.