Jim Crace

When people asked me what I did, I'd say, 'I work in publishing', and when they then say, 'What side of it?', I say, 'Supply' - no doubt leaving them to think I drive the books around in a van and deliver them.

I have a friend - not a dwarf - who's an alchemist of sorts. He concocted a men's cologne... He gave me a bottle as a gift. I was thinking we should totally put this on the market. You know how Jessica Simpson and Beyonce have signature perfumes and make a mint? I'm thinking this cologne could be my ticket to fortune.