Top 150 Quotes by H. L. Mencken

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers.

Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.