Chevy Chase

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

It took me realizing that a broken heart has never actually killed anyone to find the courage to ask for what I want, in just about every situation. That was part of my own growing up.

I think Chelsea Handler is the funniest woman.

I'm knocking our pitiful, pathetic lawmakers.