Billy Crystal

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

I'd like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great.

I hope my daughter, and one day my granddaughters, will be at Dodgers Opening Day.

We define ourselves as intelligent. That's odd, because we're doing the definition - We're creating our own definition and saying, 'We are intelligent!'

Under the previous regime of Prime Minister Meles Zenawi, I was detained. So was my wife, Serkalem Fasil. She gave birth to our son in prison in 2005.