Anthony Burgess

Americans will listen, but they do not care to read. War and Peace must wait for the leisure of retirement, which never really comes: meanwhile it helps to furnish the living room.

Bath twice a day to be really clean, once a day to be passably clean, once a week to avoid being a public menace.

One of the delights known to age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going.

In a small spacecraft, it was hard for the other two guys to sleep when the on-duty man was talking to Mission Control regularly.

I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.

My wife says I'm making a noise like a stranded whale. I think I have a major snoring problem.