Anthony Burgess

Americans will listen, but they do not care to read. War and Peace must wait for the leisure of retirement, which never really comes: meanwhile it helps to furnish the living room.

Bath twice a day to be really clean, once a day to be passably clean, once a week to avoid being a public menace.

Violence among young people is an aspect of their desire to create. They don't know how to use their energy creatively so they do the opposite and destroy.

My wife says I'm making a noise like a stranded whale. I think I have a major snoring problem.

In a small spacecraft, it was hard for the other two guys to sleep when the on-duty man was talking to Mission Control regularly.

I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.