Andy Roddick

Do you have to be like a second-grade dropout to be an umpire? Did you go to school until you were 8 years old? I think you quit school before you were 10. Stay in school kids or you'll end up being an umpire.

I can say with a solid degree of authority that I am a selfish person. I spontaneously forget the names of more people than not, unless I want to make out with them. I will take the last square of toilet paper off the roll without thinking twice. I tip taxi drivers so poorly I'm amazed none of them have run over my foot while speeding off.