I have a pathological terror of falling through ice. I nearly drowned once. I fell off a boat and got a cramp, and was rescued by an oil-rig diver, a great bear of a man who simply leant into the water and scooped me out with one finger. Jeremy Clarkson bearboatcramp share on social
The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads that if one presenter on a show is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black Muslim lesbian. Jeremy Clarkson blackblondeblue Change image and share on social
I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable. Jeremy Clarkson affaircapablephysically Change image and share on social
Argentina and Burma. I have been to most of the countries in the world, but not those two. I want to shoot doves in Argentina. Burma, of course, because no one has really been there. Jeremy Clarkson argentinaburmacountry Change image and share on social
I read in the papers how much I'm earning and fall about laughing because I'm sure it's not that much; otherwise, I'd have an enormous boat. I'm literally not the slightest bit interested in money. I just don't pay any attention to money; it's rather vulgar. Jeremy Clarkson attentionbiteboat share on social
Column writing is like gas - it fills the available space. Jeremy Clarkson columnfillspace Change image and share on social
I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not. Jeremy Clarkson factfunny Change image and share on social
I have had an amazingly fortunate life. I'm a child from Yorkshire, which is sort of like Cleveland without the pretty bits. Jeremy Clarkson amazinglybitchild Change image and share on social
