Stephen Colbert

Don't be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up all the time. They're qualified to.

I have a mug that actually verifies that I'm the world's best dad. That's a mug. That's not me talking. You can't just buy those.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I always dreamed of writing in an orchestral context. But when you finish a piece, you want to hear it. So we played everything with Phish.

If you can change three lives in 10, three lives in a hundred, that's got to be good, hasn't it?