David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

As a young child my attention span was, as I remember it, rather short.

I feel sorry for generations of Labour voters and supporters who must look and wonder what on earth has gone wrong and what Labour is for.