All Quotes

If God dropped acid, would he see people?
‐‐ Steven Wright

If God existed, and if He cared for humankind, He would never have given us religion.
‐‐ Martin Amis

If God exists, what objection can he have to saying so?
‐‐ Lemuel K. Washburn

If, God forbid, a war with Iran breaks out, it will be a nightmare. And we will all be in it, including the Persian Gulf countries and Saudi Arabia. No one will remain unscathed.
‐‐ Avigdor Lieberman

If God gave the soul his whole creation she would not be filled thereby but only with himself.
‐‐ Meister Eckhart

If God gives you a watch, are you honoring Him more by asking Him what time it is or by simply consulting the watch?
‐‐ Aiden Wilson Tozer

If God gives you chocolate, you open your mouth, no?
‐‐ Alejandro Jodorowsky

If God gives you rights, no man and no government can take them away from you.
‐‐ Roy Moore

If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments - we'd have the Ten Suggestions.
‐‐ Malcolm Bradbury

If God had given me a fastball, you're goddamn right I wouldn't have been a writer. But Koufax got all the Jewish fastballs.
‐‐ Richard Ben Cramer

If God had intended us to fly, he'd have never given us railways.
‐‐ Michael Flanders

If God had made a perfect world, it would be a magic trick, not creation, with no meaning or place for us to learn and create. Mankind is not yet ready for a perfect world. We do not know how to appreciate perfection.
‐‐ Bernie Siegel

If God had meant Harvard professors to appear in People magazine, She wouldn't have invented The New York Review of Books.
‐‐ Anna Quindlen

If God had not intended that Women shou'd use their Reason, He wou'd not have given them any, 'for He does nothing in vain.'
‐‐ Mary Astell

If God had sufficient wisdom and power to construct such a beautiful world as this, then we must admit that his wisdom and power are immeasurably greater than that of man, and hence he is qualified to reign as king.
‐‐ Orson Pratt

If God had to give a woman wrinkles, He might at least have put them on the soles of her feet.
‐‐ Ninon de L'Enclos

If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn't have given us arms.
‐‐ Mike Ditka

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
‐‐ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.
‐‐ Dave Barry

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
‐‐ Jay Leno

If God hadn't meant for us to eat sugar, he wouldn't have invented dentists.
‐‐ Ralph Nader

If God hadn't rested on Sunday, He would have had time to finish the world.
‐‐ Gabriel Garcia Marquez

If God has allowed me to earn so much money, it is because He knows I give it all away.
‐‐ Edith Piaf

If God has given you the world's goods in abundance, it is to help you gain those of Heaven and to be a good example of sound teaching to your sons, servants, and relatives.
‐‐ Saint Ignatius

If God has made the world a perfect mechanism, He has at least conceded so much to our imperfect intellect that in order to predict little parts of it, we need not solve innumerable differential equations, but can use dice with fair success.
‐‐ Max Born

If God is God, we can't be afraid of what we can learn.
‐‐ Krista Tippett

If God is in a life, it doesn't have to be big to be happy and to be important in His kingdom.
‐‐ Keith Miller

If God is just, I tremble for my country.
‐‐ Thomas Jefferson

If God is not sending earthquakes, destroying economies and inflicting pain upon human beings, what is God doing? God works through people, calling them to help their neighbors in need. God comforts His people, walking with them even 'through the valley of the shadow of death.'
‐‐ Adam Hamilton

If God is One, and if there can be no other God, there can be no idea of God.
‐‐ Leo Strauss

If God is pleased in making you sick and unhappy, I hate God.
‐‐ Ernestine Rose

If God is real, and I believe he is, then he is outside of nature. He is, therefore, not limited by the laws of nature in the way that we are.
‐‐ Francis Collins

If God is slow in answering your request, or if you ask but do not promptly receive anything, do not be upset, for you are not wiser than God.
‐‐ Isaac of Nineveh

If God is so powerful, can he create a rock which he cannot lift?
‐‐ Terry Goodkind

If God is sovereign, then it is impossible for civil government to be neutral on issues of law. All law is based in some religious code.
‐‐ Randall Terry

If God is the mystery of the universe, these mysteries, we're tackling these mysteries one by one. If you're going to stay religious at the end of the conversation, God has to mean more to you than just where science has yet to tread.
‐‐ Neil deGrasse Tyson

If God is watching us, we might as well be interesting.
‐‐ Solomon Short

If God listened to the prayers of men, all men would quickly have perished: for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
‐‐ Epicurus

If God loves human beings and seeks to relate to them because he is drawn to something unique about them, then his love must be exclusive and cannot be universal.
‐‐ Meir Soloveichik

If God made anything better than women, he kept it for himself.
‐‐ Kris Kristofferson

If God made anything better than women, I think he kept it for himself.
‐‐ Kris Kristofferson

If God only used perfect people, nothing would get done. God will use anybody if you're available.
‐‐ Rick Warren

If God should desire to raise us to the position of one who is an intimate and shares his secrets, we ought to accept this gladly.
‐‐ Saint Teresa of Avila

If God thinks proportionality is fair who are we to say that it is unfair?
‐‐ Ben Carson

If God treats you well by teaching you a disastrous lesson, you never forget it.
‐‐ Ray Bradbury

If God used evolution, God came from an ape.
‐‐ Ken Ham

If God wanted us to be naked, why did he invent sexy lingerie?
‐‐ Shannen Doherty

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
‐‐ Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
‐‐ Mel Brooks