Andy Kaufman

My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didn't think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that?

I never told a joke in my life.

If I play my cards right, I could bring network wrestling back to TV. Unfortunately, to most people, wrestling is a laughingstock. But fortunately, I'm reaching people who otherwise wouldn't watch it.

Don't listen to anybody. Nobody knows the magic bullet. If they did, they'd sell it and make a fortune. Follow your gut. Follow your instincts. Every once in a while, take a chance.

Whoever grows angry amid troubles applies a drug worse than the disease and is a physician unskilled about misfortunes.

I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.